The Cycle of Abuse - by Caterina Maria
Hello, Beauties of the I Am Arla community!
First off let me introduce myself… my name is Caterina and I’m a Trauma Healer & Empowerment Coach from London, UK. I use a wide variety of healing methods from my qualifications to give my clients my signature “Transformative Halo” effect, to create deep long-lasting change in their lives.
Today I wanted to talk to you about a major piece of work I do with my clients recovering from Trauma, this is the acknowledgement of the cycle of abuse.
What is the “Cycle Of Abuse”? There are 2 meanings:
The first definition leans to the direction of the fact your trauma DID NOT START WITH YOU. For example, your Grandmother experiences trauma in her life and never goes into her authentic healing journey. Then your mother gets into a toxic marriage and turns to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. Then there’s YOU, you’ve now had 2 generations of Trauma cascaded into your life and you are currently witnessing your mother’s traumatic self-destructive behaviour.
The beautiful thing about choosing to heal is you heal not only your own pain but those of your ancestors too, and you also BREAK the cycle of abuse for generations to come (I.e - your children & their kids etc). And what a truly remarkable journey and achievement it is!
The second definition relates to continuous toxic patterns in your life, such as toxic relationships, friendships or habits. The cycle is never-ending as there hasn’t been a moment to breathe and allow yourself to heal from the last sprout of pain. The subconscious mind is powerful beyond our belief, so without us knowing when we have witnessed and been around danger and not healed, we will be subconsciously attracted to it again.
Why is this?
The red flags aren’t showing as red flags! As the subconscious mind has found comfort in these circumstances.
How do we get to work on healing & recoding the subconscious mind?1. Acknowledge your cycle.Deeply read into it. This part can be tough but once you’ve established a toxic pattern… you’ve established a need for change and when you have this thought of a need for change you’re already starting the subconscious reprogramming.
2. BE GENTLE! Some of my clients say they are frustrated when they notice the pattern “why didn’t I notice this sooner”. Remember what I said earlier about this not starting with you and how the subconscious mind works? Ground yourself spiritually in the fact that you are ALWAYS doing the best you can at any given moment. Learning & growing is human nature.
3. Release forgiveness & solidify a need for change through working on yourself and choosing to put your mental health & healing as PRIORITY.
The process of establishing the cycle of abuse is a super enlightening one and also allows a release of pressure as it is SO important to remember that we are all only human navigating this world as best we can at every given moment.
Be light on yourself, speak gentler to yourself and you’ll realign with yourself.
So release acceptance & forgiveness for what you cannot change and be wise enough to change what you can.